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A Leap of Faith: Chapter 25: The Past III, Chapter 26: The Third Forgiveness

October 9th, 2012 (02:16 am)

I know what some of you are thinking, why are the Past chapters numbered I, II, III and why are the Forgiveness chapters First, Second, Third. Honestly, never thought about it and I wish I had been consistent with the numbering of the chapters. Oh well. It never struck me as something too important. It's not like this is being published in print :)

Chapter 25: The Past III
I was lazy and didn't write a post for Chapter 25 separately. I think mainly because it was such a short chapter. I'm so glad to have gotten such positive feedback on this chapter! It was a tough chapter to write because there's so much lead up to this chapter. We get a foreshadowing of it all the way at the beginning when Orihime and Ulquiorra are checking out the new apartment together. Ulquiorra's fear of water has driven the plot drama up until this point. It's the one thing keeping him and Orihime apart. I'm glad the chapter turned out so well. I like that people got a sense of dread as they read it and then felt the tragedy of the final event. As I said before, the song for the chapter is The Sinking Man by Of Monsters and Men.

Chapter 26: The Third Forgiveness

As I said before, this chapter was supposed to be longer as well but I wanted to keep it short instead of having a monster of a chapter. Writing the ending to this massive story has been harder than expected. I think because there are so many expectations. There's a lot of loose ends to tie up and it's hard to do that without feeling like I'm just going boom boom boom with each resolution happening to each set of characters. I'm not going to be able to write every resolution scene, so I think I like the way I handled some of the reconciliations. I don't expect to write more on Ichigo and Rukia. I think it's a given at the end of the chapter that they are going to reconcile. Ichigo is eager to solve their issues and Rukia suddenly has an epiphany about the importance of Ichigo in her life.

Some people pm-ed me and ask about why I keep writing about Starrk and Nel. Honestly, they are two of my favorite characters and although they are an odd pairing, I really love their storyline. Some people who favor other couples such as Tatsuki and Renji or Chad and Karin have not gotten their fair share of scenes in the story and for that I apologize. I wish I had all the time in the word to write each couple's story, but unfortunately this story has gotten so long I can't keep it going forever. Did you know this story is longer than Jane Eyre (word count 188,209) and Wuthering Heights (word count 117,205 words ). By the time I am done, this story will have surpassed the length of Steinbeck's East of Eden (word count 225,395). So phew, thank you everyone for sticking it out this long. I know it's been hard to keep track of everything that's happened because there's been such long periods of time in between posts.

Finally, I chose the song Landline by Greg Ladswell and Ingrid Michaelson. I really love this song and I can totally hear it playing during each of the scenes that happen in this chapter. I recommend you listen to it while you read it :)

I think the tree may fall in the front yard.
If this storm has its way.
I hear you dancing on the floor boards above.
Unaware of what's at stake.


All I ever needed was a landline.
Just in case the powerlines go down.
All I needed would never be enough for me.


I think the storm might take the screen door.
If the wind gets its way.
I hear you singing on the floor just below.
Unaware of what's at stake.


All I ever needed was a landline.
Just in case the powerlines go down.
All I needed would never be enough for me.



All I ever needed was a landline.
Just in case the powerlines go down.


All I needed would never be enough for me.


All I ever needed was a landline.
Just in case the powerlines go down.

All I needed would never be enough for me.

All I needed would never be enough for me.


All I needed would...

All I needed would never be enough for me. (x8)

myula [userpic]

A Leap of Faith: Chapter 24: The Second Forgiveness

June 28th, 2012 (04:24 am)

Hi guys!

Welcome to Chapter 24! I am very lucky that the story hasn't gotten deleted yet. I don't know if you can tell, but things with the story are moving fast. It's possible I may finish the story before anything happens to it ;) I've really enjoyed writing this past few chapters. Looking back, the writing process has been very cathartic for me.

This chapter moved really fast. I know it did. I hope it managed to come off as realistic even though it moved so fast. I kind of felt like it was due time for some of these events to happen. I don't know about you guys, but I'm very excited for what's to come. I'm excited for Ulquiorra to find out what happened in his past to cause his death. You can definitely expect a flashback :)

The scene with Tatsuki and Orihime was a long time coming. I had planned the scene from the very beginning. This song by the Katie Todd Band inspired the scene. It was so important for me for Orihime to resolve the doubt she had about herself. I think it's the only way for her to move on with her life and really love Ulquiorra with all her heart. It will be interesting to see how these events affect her relationship with Ulquiorra...will it change her mind about his proposal??? ...we can only wait and see. I imagined this song playing while Orihime was healing Tatsuki. I think it's a song of strength and resolve.

The scene of Ulquiorra running towards the bridge was also a scene that I had planned from the very beginning. I heard this haunting song from Band of Horses, and I immediately knew that I wanted the song to be playing while Ulquiorra ran towards the bridge. I just love it so much. I don't know how you can listen to it and not feel affected by it. I think it has the perfect touch of drama needed for that scene.

myula [userpic]

A Leap of Faith: Chapter 23: The Past

June 13th, 2012 (01:36 am)

Well I don't have much to really say about this chapter. It was a difficult chapter to write for many reasons. It was hard cramming in a whole history of a relationship into this one chapter. I hope it was enough for people to feel some kind of connection to Emily. Yes, we will find out what happened to Ulquiorra and that bridge on that night...I will give a hint that it has something to do with his [real] human life before he became a hollow...

Here are a couple of songs that inspired this chapter. I don't know if I've ever shared this, but I'm a huge Bon Iver fan and when I heard this song it made me think of Emily's character. I dunno, for some reason I just imagine Ulquiorra and Emily crossing the campus to this song

And then for the Bryce death scene at the end, I came across this Florence + the Machine song that is absolutely haunting. It's been featured on a bunch of TV so you might have already heard it but I dare you to listen to it and not get shivers!

myula [userpic]

(no subject)

June 9th, 2012 (02:09 am)

Hi Everyone,

I got a super helpful message from lilarin about fanfiction.net deleting stories with explicit sex scenes. As you all know, that applies to my story. I hope that my story doesn't get deleted (it has been backed up) but if it does then I shall have to find a new home for posting my story. Not sure yet what all my options are; I guess one of them would be to just post them on here...but if that happens I'll leave a note. I won't have an easy way to communicate with people anymore though...I dunno, I'm still thinking it all through. I want my story to stay on there because of the fan base, so I deleted the song lyrics since I didn't want to get flagged for that. I don't think the song lyrics are essential for enjoying the story, they just share a bit of the inspiration for each chapter. I'll still post the songs and lyrics that inspire the chapters on here, but it won't be embedded within the chapters anymore. Any thoughts you have on this issue are welcomed.


myula [userpic]

A Leap of Faith: Chapter 22: The Choice

May 27th, 2012 (01:51 am)

current mood: tired


Dear everyone,

Thanks for sticking it out. I sat on this chapter for a long time, editing it and changing it, taking parts out and then putting parts back in. In the end, I kept the flash back story of Emily out because it would have made this chapter twice as long :) I am very excited to be writing again. Finished a lot of the PhD work and while I am still working on a paper with a June 19th deadline, I will continue to work on the story.

There were a lot of song references in this chapter, which happens when I sit on a chapter for a long time (I get more time to come across music that inspires me or reminds me of what I am writing about. So below I've posted some of the music; I really hope you enjoy it! 

As a thank you to everyone who has been following me, if you friend me on livejournal you will get access to a post where I will share some of my wedding photos with you (you get to see what i look like *gasps!*) But I am currently at my mother-in-law's cabin for the holiday weekend so I will not be able to upload the photos as fast as I'd like. Just be patient :)

If I go, I'm goin by Gregory Alan Isakov

You may have heard this song on the Californication soundtrack, but Gregory is an amazing singer-song writer. I think this song evokes the heart wrenching pain of deciding to leave someone you love but feeling to torn. I thought it was really appropriate for Ulquiorra!

Apologies by Grace Potter & The Nocturnals

I really admire Grace; not only is she beautiful but she's incredibly talented as well. I thought this song really captured the essence of someone who has already made the decision to leave, i.e. Grimmjow & Nnoitra. The decision is not as easy for our other friends though...

It don't matter to the sun by Rosie Thomas

This scene was kind of a big deal for me to write. Mainly because in my story, the relationship between Nnoitra and Nel is infamous- it was what led to Nel and Starrk's divorce. Although we hear about Nel and Nnoitra, we see very direct action between the two so I thought this song really brought out the angst and pain of their relationship.

By Heart by Sylvie Lewis

I thought of this song as being written from the perspective of someone who is watching another person make a choice. At this point I think Orihime is slowly learning to let Ulquiorra make decisions on his own, even though it may seem like she's not letting him do this because she feels it's necessary to talk through some of the problems that they have.  

Polaris by Jimmy Eat World

This song made me think of Starrk. He's still in the process of making his decision but he's overwhelmed by it. I see this song as him thinking through what it would mean to move on to the next world- maybe it's about him thinking about whether or not the love he feels carries over to the next place..

Pitter-pat by Erin Mccarley

This song is clearly for Nel. Poor Nel, she's so torn and needs help making her decision...oh what will she do :-(  I think Starrk and Nnoitra are both being mean to her...

Well that's all for now..let me know your thoughts if you have any!

myula [userpic]

Where I've been and where I'm going

January 16th, 2012 (03:21 am)

Hello! I'm back and am trying to make an effort at finishing this story. I've been gone for a long time but I have so many reasons -which for some reason I feel compelled to share with everyone.

1. I got married! (will post one or two pictures soon maybe?) So the rest of the summer of 2011 was spent agonizing over wedding details. As anyone who's ever been involved in wedding planning knows, the last few months/weeks are super stressful and time consuming. 

2. Then right after my wedding (during my honeymoon!) I got super sick;; just bronchitis but the most severe case of bronchitis I've ever had...it felt more like a flu and I was incapacitated for a week and then spent several weeks slowly recovering.

3. I passed my prelim exams for my phd! Which means I am only a few weeks away from being a dissertator *crosses fingers* -so a lot of my time has been spent preparing the exams (which I have complained about before).

4. Then the holidays hit, and of course it was holiday madness in my family. Three thanksgivings and Christmases due to the fact that my husband's parents are divorced and we do not have kids yet so we don't have the privilege of opting out of the usual holiday family gatherings. 

5. And then I moved from the land of ice and snow back to the east coast. My hubby and I moved in together and that's where we are now. If anyone's ever done a cross country move as an adult (who has accumulated enough nice furniture to make the transport a major pain in the a**) then they know the misery I've been in the past several weeks. Seriously, my husband and I have been doing nothing but unpacking, cleaning, and fixing up our new place since we got here. We're about 75% done with the unpacking...I've got one week off until I start my internship...so I am hoping that while I finish up a few other projects for my phd program, I'll be able to write again.

6. When I've tried to write in the past six or so months I've been really stalled. Not so much writers block since I know exactly what to write...don't really know what you would call it. Maybe some of you writers can help me out with my problem? Ok, here's the deal. A while back my advisor told me that my writing style was changing. She noticed that my usual very succinct academic writing was dissipating and that I seemed overly concerned with "flow" and "style." I am pretty sure the change was due to the fact that I was writing a lot of fiction (for this story) and naturally the fiction writing bled into my academic writing. I had to get so many projects done that I couldn't afford to be stalled because of writing style problems. So I threw myself back into academia and believe it or not it was very hard to go back to that writing style. I guess I am not used to going back and forth between writing non-fiction and fiction. As much as I love Bleach *AND Ulquiorra*, I had to make my phd program a priority for a few months. Now that a lot of my writing is over, I am hoping that I can go back to fiction writing. So recently when I have tried to write, I am stalled because the natural flow and style I used when I wrote fiction is gone. I'm having problems connecting sentences and thoughts--- finding the right words or phrases. I am hoping that as I persist in writing it will come back. I hope you won't be too harsh on me as I write these final chapters. I am getting back into the groove of things and so you'll just have to hold on while I make my way through it all. 

So yeah, that has been my journey. A lot of life changes in my world :) I am in a very different place personally than before, so I wonder how that will affect my writing...

Finally, I just want to say welcome to the new readers who have been kind enough to leave reviews, and thank you to everyone who has still managed to be sort of interested in my story despite the six month long absence. 

Love and kisses everyone!


myula [userpic]

A Leap of Faith: Chapter 21: The Truth

June 11th, 2011 (08:02 pm)

current mood: tired
current song: Corinne Bailey Rae - Breathless

Hello! First, let me please explain how I am writing this on about 3 hours of sleep. I had to catch a very early flight from NY back to the land of cold for a friend's baby shower. BUT! This chapter was just waiting to be posted, and as hard as I tried to edit it over and over again in my sleepless daze, it may still have typos in it. I always say something about typos because they bother the hell out of me *sigh* but anyways, this is a short chapter and I really wanted to make an effort to get back into writing regularly.

So this is the chapter huh? I feel like I didn't really give too much of a warning that it was coming, but here it is. I hope that people can kind of see all the lead up that has brought us here. Some foreshadowing and lead-up plot lines:

1. Orihime's continual struggle with using her powers and not have any kind of control over it. She thinks explicitly at some point about how her powers are almost a burden and she wished she didn't have to bear it. Here she has an opportunity to relieve herself it.

2. It's not really mentioned in my story at all, but we all know how Ichigo has struggled with his hollow self. Though we know that the visoreds eventually were able to gain mastery over their hollows, it seemed they never quite struggled the way Ichigo did (or at least based on what Kubo told us). Here Ichigo can get rid of it forever.

3. Ulquiorra has a conversation very early on during his date with Orihime about finding peace in his human life sentence and the struggle amongst the Espada to fit in and conform to humanity when they are still tortured arrancar souls.

4. Someone pointed this out in the reviews about how all the Espada seemed to be trying to find a way to fill a void inside themselves and they seem to not do it very well. Nnoitra tries to find peace through drugs, drinking, music, and fame. Grimmjow tries to find it through the glory of the sports spotlight and through his incessant need to pick fights with other people. Starrk filled his void with drinking for a while, and then with his friendship with Ned, and then his love for Nel. I would say Starrk is without a way of filling his void right now since he and Nel have divorced. Nel fills her void through her relationship with others. She needs to be needed by Nnoitra, she needs to be loved by Starrk, and she needs to be important to all the Espada. Ulquiorra tried to fill his void through philosophy, dedicating his life to the pursuit of knowledge with the belief that out there somewhere are the answers he needs to feel whole again. Is there a way for all the Espada to find peace through these means they've been using? We don't know, but now there is an easy way out. They could stop trying to find happiness through this human life and just move on with their life; follow the natural life cycle.

There are several others but I can't list them all and I'm tired so :-P People have mentioned that it seemed odd that Mayuri would want to make a hōgyoku and follow after Aizen's footsteps because he always seemed more concerned about be able to do all his mad scientisty stuff, and they were indeed right (as this chapter shows). I was very excited about having Urahara and Shinji show up! They are two of the sexiest men in Bleach, right after Ulquiorra of course :) Even though their visit is fairly short, I just excited to have them make a guest appearance.

Our characters have a lot of figuring out to do before the story ends so I hope you guys are looking forward to some more angst! lol. My fiance described this chapter as the end of the third act and the beginning of the final and fourth act (where things finally start to get resolved).

Will Ichigo, Orihime, and Chad choose to keep their powers?
Will Starrk and Nel get back together?
What will happen now that Nnoitra is back?
Will Starrk, Nel, and Ulquiorra chose to move onto Soul Society with Grimmjow and Nnoitra?
Will Orihime try to stop Ulquiorra from going?
Will Orihime accept Ulquiorra's proposal?
Will Ulquiorra still want to marry Orihime?
Will Ulquiorra choose to stay?

Ahhhh so many things to be answered! Hope it makes you excited for last and final act. I can't say how many chapters it will be exactly, but I can say there's still a lot that needs to happen in order for those questions to be answered.

This week's song is Xanax by Maria Taylor. I think she's such a great storyteller and her voice is so soothing. This is a song I've been waiting to use and I think it fits perfectly for this chapter since so much of the lead up was about fear/being afraid. Everyone was afraid of the hōgyoku, of the baby being kidnapped, of the dangerous disappearances, etc. Everyone seemed to have things inside of themselves that they were afraid of as well, which is summed up nicely in this verse (which i LOVE):
Afraid when the phone rings
Another breath of life has ceased
It seems it's just lost so easily
Afraid my heart, it beats too slow
Or that I died and just didn't know
Or of a fate I will have to choose
And I'm afraid of how much I love you

I I hope you guys found the song as fitting as I did too! And at the end of this chapter, people could finally let go of the breath that they were holding because the external dangers are taken care of and now it's onto other troubling issues.

Thanks for reading again guys. I loved reading everyone's reviews! See you at Chapter 22.

myula [userpic]

Comments about Unmasked

June 7th, 2011 (12:43 am)

Ok, I thought I'd just write in a separate entry my thoughts about the Unmasked comic that just came out involving Ulquiorra and Orihime. I warn you, I have very little thoughts on the comic though! This why I never have much to say at bleachasylum! whenever there are questions on there I wish I had some cool insightful answers but usually my stupid brain is just like "uh.....I dunno...."

So, like any other Ulquihime fan I WAS OVER THE MOON EXCITED ABOUT IT!!!! I was originally just glad to be able to read a little info from Kubo about Ulquiorra, especially since he's been gone for so long and we've heard so little info on his dead/living status. There are so many ways to read the interaction between Orihime and Ulquiorra. I do LOVE that the comic showed their more casual/friendly relationship and I love our always angst Ulquiorra. The idea of associating happiness with nothingness and somehow subsequently with Orihime is fascinating and .......confusing. I remember reading it and turning to my fiancé and going "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???????" I think those last lines, "nothing in you and me" refer to their eternal connection. I don't know why, but it just gives me this feeling that Ulquihime is NOT OVER! It seems like they are connected forever to each other. I want to know how Ulquiorra associated happiness with Orihime, like was it because he finally saw someone who was just happy all the time? What exact was it about Orihime that Ulquiorra associated with a new kind of happiness? Perhaps it's because she treated him like she would all her friends, with a familiarity and a trust that Ulquiorra is probably not familiar with? I don't know....Kubo sure loves to leave us with even MORE questions than we already had. All I know now for sure is that Kubo wants us to know how important Orihime is to Ulquiorra! :)

myula [userpic]

A Leap of Faith: Chapter 20: The Game Plan

June 7th, 2011 (12:06 am)


OH MY GODDDDD, you would not believe what it took to get me here!!! I feel like I could sleep for 100 years after having to endure the past few months. Now I am back and I'm very happy to be writing again!

Welcome welcome to Chapter 20! I would estimate that we are now 75% done with the story :) all things must come to an end... I'm glad I've gotten such positive reactions to the story. Even if this story ends, it's possible to start another story using the same cast and setting but some other overarching plot. I do want to start that new story I've been thinking about since December, but I'm not going to let myself even write a word on it until I finish this story! too many unfinished stories on fanfic.net ;) This little entry turned into an incredibly long entry, probably because I did not write it right away after I posted the chapter. I had a few days to think about the chapter after I had already updated it. I got to look at it with fairly fresh eyes and I got to read some of the reviews on the chapter. All of that helped me write this entry.

Chapter 20 was written in pieces and parts over a very long period of time. The events and conversations that happen in this chapter have been in my head since the very beginning, so it was good to finally get it all out. This chapter turned out so much better than I had anticipated. Some may say that not very much happens in the actual chapter until the end, but I'd like to point out that we learn some VERY important information that will be necessary for the next chapter.

I was particularly happy with how the conversation between Starrk and Tatsuki turned out. I think it captured just the right amount of enlightenment and flirtation that I wanted. First, it was important to explain why the Espada could not just go onto Soul Society through the usual hollow soul burial that the shinigamis do; this of course was completely made up in my world and not related at all to how things work in the actual Bleach world. I'm not actually sure how the Espada would "die" since we've recently been given some information. We know that Szayel, for example, ended up in hell which was featured in the latest Bleach movie (which I haven't seen yet). We also know from the latest Unmasked character book that Harribel was revived? This is just what I've seen on discussion boards and have been told. The English translation of the entire book has yet to surface, so until then we'll just go along with what I think happens to Espada when it's time to move onto the next world. Starrk's explanation begs the question: so what happens to them when they die as humans?

I will tell you that no one knows (in the story) what happens to them when they actually die, and I even don't know.

We will be finding out very soon all the answers to these questions :-D
Anyways, back to Starrk and Tatsuki's conversation. I absolutely love that giddy excitement you feel inside when you are first attracted to someone and they (lo and behold) are attracted back. Those first moments of interaction are golden I think, and I really liked how Tatsuki and Starrk met up. But, as the chapter explained, Renji still has a strong hold on Tatsuki's heart and Nel seems determined to get Starrk back.

Speaking of Nel! Wow, I did not anticipate the reaction I got to Nel in this chapter! I realize that Nel might have been an annoying character up until now, but she remains a favorite character of mine. Someone commented that they thought it seemed a bit out of character for her to be so bitchy to Orihime, but I guess the way I interpreted her personality is that she's fiercely loyal to her friends and suspicious of those who may pose any harm. We see in the manga and anime that Nel as a child does not warm up to Orihime right away. Although I do believe that Nel has a kind heart, I thought of her as being a 'tell it like it is' kind of girl. She has a confidence that would allow her to do that. So that's how I developed Nel's character. Nel makes some very important points. We learn that the Espada cannot produce children- I mean, why would Soul Society let them??? This answers a question that many people have been asking me (is Orihime going to get pregnant?? She and Ulqui haven't been using protection!!! *gasps*). Nel also points out that Orihime will be a constant reminder to Ulquiorra of what he used to be. Whenever he looks at her, he will remember that he was once an Espada who did some very terrible things. To anyone else in the world though, Ulquiorra's just a neurotic professor with dashing good looks- that anonymity provides him the chance to live a normal human life and leave his life as a hollow behind him. This will be emphasized again later on. I thought it was important that someone pointed this out to Orihime, who has not been thinking about Ulquiorra....If you think about it, she's been incredibly focused on herself despite the fact that there's so much going on around her. She's so focused on how she feels about Ulquiorra and whether or not she trusts him and is ready to commit to him that I feel like she's had very little time to think about Ulquiorra and how this relationship affects him. This a very important point that I think Orihime needs to address before she can ever answer any of her own questions about herself. But in the end, it's fine to hate Nel :) in a story that has no open, apparent, present villain, we all gotta blame someone :-D I guess Uryuu was that character it seemed in the first half of the story?

I don't have much to say about the song for the chapter. It wasn't one of those songs I dreamed of using months ago and have been dying to share with you guys. But I do LOVE Arcade Fire and find them to be incredibly brilliant. I guess this song is about all the tension between all the characters, "An ocean of violence between me and you. You've got your reasons and me, I've got mine..." In many ways, everyone seems to be stalling in this chapter, so the line "but al the reasons I gave were just lies to buy myself some time." Hopefully our characters are "gonna work it out" as the song suggests!

I did not get a chance to share this in my short author's note that went with this chapter, but I'll share it here...the next chapter will be BIG and by BIG I mean EPIC! Lot's of questions will be answered and some new ones will arise!!! I'll see you guys there at Chapter 21: The Truth. Thank you all again for reading and reviewing!

myula [userpic]

Where have I been?

May 1st, 2011 (03:10 am)

I just wanted to post and say that I haven't been able to work on my story in a long time :-( I've got about 5 pages of chapter 20 written and that's it...I've been SUPER busy with finals, prelim exam proposal, and wedding planning.

The wedding planning in particular has eaten up all my time :-(

I am longing for days when I can just hang out and write again...summer is coming soon so *crosses fingers*

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